The picture you've all been waiting for...

I laughed so hard I cried - my manly husband was so terrified, he looks sick.

Click on the picture so you can see a larger version - it is hilarious.

I am trunky - I'll admit it.

Tomorrow is my last day of work before maternity leave. I can't help it - I am totally trunky. I have a handful of items to wrap up and then I am home-free for 2 months. SOOOOO excited.

Also, I have my doctors appt today. I am really hoping the doctor gives me better news than last week. OK, it wasn't really bad news last week, but after 9 months of puking, I am ready to get this baby out of me, so when the doctor says I am not dilated at all, it is kind of a bummer. Hopefully, I will be dilated to a 5 when I go in today and they can just take me straight over to the hospital. (I know, keep dreaming.)

Well, time to leave for work.

It is a wonder the human race hasn't died out...

It is a good thing people don't go to birthing classes BEFORE they get pregnant, because otherwise, our species would cease to exist.

So, last weekend, Corbyn and I went to a birthing class. First of all, it was LONG. I think I spent more time learning about birth than a lot of women actually spend giving birth. Yeah - 4 hours Friday night and 8 hours Saturday. LONG!

A couple of key take-aways from the class:

• Corbyn is not great at role-playing. They were trying to get us to practice breathing techniques and pretend like we are having contractions, and trying to get the husbands to play the role of the supportive coach. We watched a video where the husband kept saying things like, "You are being so strong", "You are doing so well", "You are so amazing", etc. Yeah, right. Can you really see Corbyn saying stuff like that? His coaching was more along the lines of, "It doesn't hurt, does it?" Anyway, he kept making me laugh... hopefully, that works when I am actually in labor.
• Birthing class sucks even worse for soon-to-be-fathers than soon-to-be-mothers. This is hard to call, really, whose side the scale of unpleasantness tips towards. At least the man doesn't have to know that the horrible things happening in the video will soon be happening to him. But, in my experience, men are uncomfortable with anything "down there". So, having to watch babies come out of several "down there"'s on TV has got to be ultra-unpleasant. Not to mention watching large women demonstrate the proper form when breast feeding. And although I still think, given just those things, the balance tips in favor of it being worse for women, once you start practicing comfort techniques for birth, I think the scale tips back in favor of the men. Because that is nothing but awesome for the woman. Their husbands have to practice giving massages until the teacher tells them to stop. (Made the birthing class almost worth it.) Of course, Corbyn spent almost as much time trying to push me over on the birthing ball as he did massaging, but still...
  
• I don't have to go to the bathroom nearly as much as other women. I always thought I had a small bladder, but in a class that long, you learn how small a pregnant woman's bladder really is. I am very happy to report that I went less than all the women... even less than some of the men. (Although, they may have been using it as an escape more than anything. I, on the other hand, was terrified to leave in case I missed the one key secret to a minimal pain labor.)
• Someone needs to invent a third option. No, really. The current options suck. Option A: Push a watermelon through the eye of a needle, (Sorry Mom, I know that is kind of gross, but did I mention I am terrified?) Option B: Get sliced in half, have your muscles pulled apart and a baby pulled out, (Does this remind anyone else of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom when he cuts the guys heart out while the poor guy watches himself being ripped apart?)... where is Option C?!?!!!?? That is the one I want - Option C. One that doesn't involve being stitched back up anywhere.
• La Leche League is trying to pull a fast one on the entire female gender. Don't get me wrong. I believe in the benefits of breast feeding and totally plan to give it a whirl, but from what I have heard, it can be more painful than the labor itself, because it doesn't last only 24 hrs and end with a miracle... it just keeps hurting and the miracle is what is causing the pain. But, watching the videos, La Leche describes it as "minor discomfort". "If it hurts, you are doing it wrong... but don't stop! Just keep trying. You will figure it out." I have this suspicion that it really does just always hurt, but they figure if they keep telling you that you must be doing it wrong and to keep trying, by the time you throw in the towel, you will have been trying for at least several months, so they have won. And the mother-model for the video? Smiling serenely as if it is the most pleasant experience of her life. I mean, why can't they just be honest? Why can't they just say, "It will hurt like a mother, but it is something you should do for the good of your child."
• Lastly - Corbyn's #1 take-away from the birthing class: Women look fine going in and coming out of labor, but there is NOTHING beautiful about the miracle of birth.
  

Possibly the greatest Cowboy song ever

I had my playlist on random today and right between an Audioslave and Weezer song, this song played and reminded me how it is one of the greatest songs of all time.

Hill-billy, Redneck, Hick... whatever you want to call it - I am not ashamed of my roots.

Enjoy.

Vegas - 2008

I had to go to Las Vegas for a conference and Corbyn and I went down early with one of our friends to make a little vacation out of it. (A sad replacement for our cancelled Central America trip, but better than nothing.)

So, for those of you who don't know, Corbyn doesn't like heights. We went to Hoover Dam (which is very, very cool) and it made him feel a little shaky. See pics - (and notice my big prego belly - oh, yeah.)

Did you know that Hoover Dam is one of the 7 wonders of the world?

So, Hoover Dam was a stretch for Corbyn... we kicked it up a notch after that. Corbyn had been talking about how he wanted to ride some roller coasters in Vegas, but was blaming my pregnancy as the reason he couldn't. Well, since Zach came with us, it kind of called his bluff (Vegas language) - we went to the top of the Stratosphere to ride the rides.

First of all, Corbyn was too queasy being up that high to even stand next to the edge. (See picture of me and Zach - Corbyn wouldn't come that close to the

edge.)

So, Corbyn and Zach went on the Big Shot first. I have the FUNNIEST picture of Corbyn that I have ever seen riding the Big Shot, but you are going to have to wait for it, because it is on a thumb drive that is formatted for a PC, so we can't pull it off using our Mac. But, take my word for it, it is HILARIOUS. Zach and I were both laughing so hard we were crying when we saw it. And, I forked over $20 to buy it... it is that funny,

At that point, Corbyn was pretty much done. It took some serious persuading, but we finally convinced him to go on this other ride. (See pics) This ride pretty much just dropped you off the side of the Stratosphere, stopped you abruptly hanging over the edge, and just let you hang out there for awhile. There was a group of old ladies behind me watching Zach and Corbyn ride - it was 3 minutes of listening to 6 70-80 year old women saying, "OOOOoooooohhhhhh", "Oh, my goodness" and "Oh, no!" I think their hearts may have been pumping harder than Zach and Corbyn's. I was pretty sure I was going to have to perform CPR on at least one of them before the ride was over. (If Corbyn's face doesn't give away how scared he was, check out the veins in his arms. He has one of those gripper things (Captain of CRUSH) to build your forearms - all that muscle he built up was clearly put to good use on this ride.)

Other things we did:

• Shark Reef Aquarium
  
• ICE - Some Russian ice skating show (It was actually better than we expected when we first walked in to the theater at the Riviera.)
  
• Bodies Exhibit - I know you think that a bodies exhibit in Vegas is referring to something... um, R-rated, at the least, but I am talking about the exhibit that shows real (not alive) human bodies and their components. It was pretty awesome - it is in Salt Lake right now and I recommend it to anyone who doesn't have a weak stomach.
  
• Gambled - Ok, not really. I wanted to, but since I didn't want to lose too much money, I did some research and found that the Hooters Casino has the cheapest tables. Corbyn wasn't super excited to gamble, so I had to talk him into it. I think it is probably a rarity - that the wife has to convince the husband to go to Hooters. So, we went, but it was packed and super smokey, so we left. (Second-hand smoke probably doesn't do great things for the baby.) We did each gamble $1 in the nickel slots at the Riviera while we waited for our show to start. Corbyn lost his $1. I won $15. How many people can say they got a 1500% return on their money in Vegas?
• A LOT of eating - sadly, buffets are somewhat wasted on a pregnant lady... not enough room to get your moneys-worth. I still did my best, though.