Labor sucks

OK, so writing about labor is hard. I don't want to share TOO many details because it gets gross too fast. Not to mention that I doubt you all care too much. So, here are the high points:

• Labor is the worst thing ever. I have never felt so wimpy in my life... I hear people talk about how their labor was fast and relatively painless - they got the epidural and life was all good. And it makes me feel like an absolute wimp... I thought I was going to DIE before I got the epidural.
• Corbyn and I managed to get caught in both morning and evening rush hour traffic. How? Well, we got sent home the first time we went to the hospital. Yeah, kind of embarrassing, but in my defense, they told me to come in when the contractions were 5-6 minutes apart. We went when they were 6-7 minutes apart, they strapped me up to all the monitors, but my labor was just not progressing fast enough to keep me. So, we turned around and went home through morning rush hour traffic. They told me to come back when they were 2-3 minutes apart... which just happened to be during evening rush hour traffic. Awesome.
• Something you never want to hear during labor (or any medical procedure, for that matter), "That's not good." Yeah, I was hunched over, waiting for the epidural guy to finish his work. I am trying very hard to hold still during contractions and I hear Corbyn say, "Is that blood?" and the epidural guy say, "Uh, yeah. That's not good." After all the horror stories you hear about epidurals, that is really not a good thing to hear.
• The hospital has some awesome puker bags. Yeah, if you have been reading my blog much, you know that I am apparently a puker when I am pregnant. Some guys at my work kindly supplied me with barf bags to carry in my car (thanks, Bryan). But, they are nothing compared to these awesome puker bags the hospital has. I actually took some when I left (Ssshhhh.) And, Corbyn got to witness me puking, for the first time of the pregnancy. I had been so careful, but there was no hiding it when I was strapped to the bed.
  
• I think it was almost as intense for Corbyn as it was for me. The trips to the hospital were very... uh... bumpy. I don't think he liked seeing me in pain because he was all over the gas and the brakes - very abruptly. It was actually pretty cute that he was so worked up about it.
• Same as above... the intensity caused Corbyn to make some strange, non-Corbynish decisions. We had both agreed that he would stay north of the border during the whole ordeal. During the heat of the moment, they asked him if he would like to help while I was pushing and he said yes! He wasn't thinking straight... I wasn't thinking straight- I thought I must be hallucinating or something. Had I been thinking straight, I would have said stopped him. But, luckily, it didn't take long for him to come to his senses. He assisted for one contraction (3 pushes) and then said, "I can't do this," and came back up by my head.
• I can't believe some women have to push for several hours. I only had to push for 45 minutes and she was born. The statistics say that most first time mothers have to push for 1-3 hours... I can't even imagine. I was completely beat after 45 minutes - if I would have had to keep going, I can't imagine that my pushing would have been very effective.
• The table they pull in for the final minutes of pushing reminded me of Braveheart and the table of torture devices they pull up for the final scene. It is covered with a white cloth, but you get some glimpses of some weird looking devices when they start moving that cloth around... and some of the stuff really makes you wonder what in the heck they would use something like for. 
• Another line you don't want to hear during any medical procedure: (doctor to nurse) "I can only find 7 sponges. Did you pick one up?" Yikes - for a minute, I was thinking of Seinfeld and the Junior Mint. (Don't worry - they found it.)
• If you are prone to nightmares - prepare yourself. Labor will haunt your dreams for several days.
  

There are probably other highlights, but I am trying to block most of the worst memories, so that is all I will include for now, other than some pictures of the prize at the end. :)