Initiation to motherhood: I got pooped on last night.

Well, I have LOADS to blog about, so I will be trying to catch up over the next couple days because I KNOW you all care. But, let's start with the most important things first: I got pooped on TWICE in one day. Well, technically, I guess to was over the course of two days, because the most traumatic event occurred at 3:00 am.

So, here we go: Our poor little Rhian developed some SERIOUS diaper rash. The pediatrician recommended Bag Balm (which was funny - he said, "Are either of you familiar with Bag Balm?" and then looked very surprised when we both said yes... he has no idea.)
So, we have been laying Rhian out diaperless (with LOADS of rags under her to catch any poop) so her little bum can air out. We thought rags UNDER her bum would be fine. We didn't know we needed rags covering a 1 foot radius in all directions. Luckily (unluckily), I was able to catch the majority of her explosion on myself, saving our couch. Disgusting.

So, we put her to bed. 2:30 AM comes around - time for her early morning feeding. I wake up, I feed her, I take her to change her diaper. She is all clean, and suddenly, it happens. Old Faithful erupts. We are talking volcanic eruption poop. Guinness Book of World Record Poop. To compound this, I had her legs in the air for the application of Bag Balm, which aimed her bum upward, allowing for more loft with the eruption. I didn't measure it, but I am pretty sure that 5 feet is no exaggeration of the distance. And it was not a small amount. It covered everything in it's path... me, our Love Sack, the floor, etc. I yell, in my shock and disgust, "Corbyn, HELP!" No response. I look at Rhian, thinking perhaps she would be giving me a face that would indicate that she had either been constipated, angry, SOMETHING that would be a future indication to me that this might be about to occur. Her eye were half closed... she wasn't even hardly awake. So, I spend the next hour and a half trying to clean up the HORRIBLE mess she has made all over the room and myself - but not an easy task when 1. it is the middle of the night and 2. you are as blind as me and don't have your contacts in.

And, of course, here is the kicker - after my cry of desperation to Corbyn for help... after 1 1/2 hours of disgusting cleaning up of poop - I walk into our bedroom to finally go to sleep and there is Corbyn, sawing some major logs. He slept through the whole traumatic incident. The next morning, I told him about it and told him we really needed to buy a carpet shampooer. He thought I was a little crazy... until he went to the scene of the "incident". Apparently, I hadn't done quite as good of a job cleaning up as I had thought. So, Corbyn spent a good deal of time scrubbing the carpet and then promply logged on to Amazon to purchase a carpet shampooer.

And now, I am afraid. Every time a change her diaper, I hold something in the path of the poop-hole. And airing her out diaperless? Forget about it. Her diaperless days are DONE. Frankly, I am concerned about a diapers ability to withstand the force of her poops... if the force behind the poop can be correlated to her size and will grow as she grows... um, give her just a couple weeks and we are going to be duct taping the diapers on her because that weeny tape on the diaper certainly won't hold. A few months? Geez, I don't even know if there is a man made material that could stop the eruption. Yikes.